Showing posts with label thinspo. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thinspo. Show all posts
Friday, November 13, 2009
Friday, August 28, 2009
Monday, August 10, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Surviving!
Week at my parents' place almost fully survived! And I gotta say, it hasn't been bad at all. I've eaten around them and my friends with fresh vegetables and fruits when necessary. I must say that reading all of your fantastic blogs helps a LOT. It inspires me and makes me feel comforted knowing there are others out there that understand what all this is like in their own way...even if we don't know each other in person.
I've been going to a nearby gym here and really enjoying it! I also am finding I'm dealing okay with being flexible to schedules, which sometimes don't allow me to have the morning workout (i.e. driving to appointments or the airport super early) I'm used to, if any at all. Even if I miss a day, I know I'll be fine, stay on track...my body will feel better for the time to recoup anyway. And I'll be more pumped to blast into a new workout when I am able to do so again. It's just another expression of the obsessive compulsiveness that those of us with EDs (and especially anas, I think) can have. However, as I've gotten older and "matured" (lol) I realize that, in many ways, the OCD behaviors can be quite useful. First of all, it DOES keep you on track and you have more motivation to not eat or work out than people that aren't obsessive. But if you channel it into other areas of life it can truly work to your benefit. Namely, your career. I find that channeling my obsessiveness into working hard for my clients, doing the best job I can do, working until I feel I've given my best...builds great relationships and brings in new clients all the time. So, score for anas! :)
I met up with my college girlfriend/roommate yesterday for the first time in 4 years since we graduated. It was cool because I am still as lithe and feeling thin and fabulous as I was in college...it's taken the past 6 months to crawl out of my sloppy binging and weight gain to get myself back down to the athletic routines and very slender physique that I used to have, but GOD is it worth it. Ladies, keep strong and know that even when it seems like you've gained and "lost your touch", never to get back down to your thin self again...YOU CAN. It takes baby steps, you just start little by little: reducing your food intake or caloric intake bit by bit, changing up your workouts a little at a time...suddenly you'll realize you're on track again! And then you know you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Anything in your career, anything with your goals in life, traveling the world, starting a company---if you have the determination it takes to live with ana, you really have so much more going for you than 98% of society. Make it your asset, not your weakness!
I've been going to a nearby gym here and really enjoying it! I also am finding I'm dealing okay with being flexible to schedules, which sometimes don't allow me to have the morning workout (i.e. driving to appointments or the airport super early) I'm used to, if any at all. Even if I miss a day, I know I'll be fine, stay on track...my body will feel better for the time to recoup anyway. And I'll be more pumped to blast into a new workout when I am able to do so again. It's just another expression of the obsessive compulsiveness that those of us with EDs (and especially anas, I think) can have. However, as I've gotten older and "matured" (lol) I realize that, in many ways, the OCD behaviors can be quite useful. First of all, it DOES keep you on track and you have more motivation to not eat or work out than people that aren't obsessive. But if you channel it into other areas of life it can truly work to your benefit. Namely, your career. I find that channeling my obsessiveness into working hard for my clients, doing the best job I can do, working until I feel I've given my best...builds great relationships and brings in new clients all the time. So, score for anas! :)
I met up with my college girlfriend/roommate yesterday for the first time in 4 years since we graduated. It was cool because I am still as lithe and feeling thin and fabulous as I was in college...it's taken the past 6 months to crawl out of my sloppy binging and weight gain to get myself back down to the athletic routines and very slender physique that I used to have, but GOD is it worth it. Ladies, keep strong and know that even when it seems like you've gained and "lost your touch", never to get back down to your thin self again...YOU CAN. It takes baby steps, you just start little by little: reducing your food intake or caloric intake bit by bit, changing up your workouts a little at a time...suddenly you'll realize you're on track again! And then you know you can do ANYTHING you set your mind to. Anything in your career, anything with your goals in life, traveling the world, starting a company---if you have the determination it takes to live with ana, you really have so much more going for you than 98% of society. Make it your asset, not your weakness!
Monday, July 13, 2009
Hello!
I read the blogs of so many of you amazing people who are striving for excellence, suffering in silence, aiming for thin perfection and dancing behind a veil of struggle. You have my greatest respect, because with you all I feel like I am not alone. I can understand what you are saying, either because I am currently feeling it or have in the past.
Anorexia and I have had a relationship for 11 years now. I have morphed from anorexia into a horrid habit of chewing & spitting for the past 5 years. As such, my weight has gone up and down as I've gotten sloppy with the chewing/spitting or gone through periods of trying to eat "normally" with regular meals, etc. around other people. I "lost my touch" and now am fiercely determined to redefine the willpower of my anorexic self to get to my GW of 110-112. I am currently 123 (lost 3 pounds in the past week, yay!) and have been on this renewed mission for about 2 1/2 weeks. My HW was 158...NEVER FUCKING EVER AGAIN. This past winter I was up to 135...NEVER FUCKING EVER AGAIN. My LW was 91. I don't want to be that low, I realize I looked hideous. And I was truly miserable, no longer proud to be thinner than everyone else. I was desperate to try to put a couple pounds on again. Well, I did. Now I'm back to getting myself wrangled into gear.
2 1/2 weeks ago I joined the local gym at a nearby resort. I used to run outside and then go to the gym every day for years...then dropped off this past year for a little over a year, only running daily for an hour or hr and 20 mins but half-heartedly. Now I am fabulously thrilled that I'm enjoying mixing it up again, I look forward to it, I love it again! For 11 years I've been a runner, always outdoors. To the point of causing injury from over-doing it over the years several times. Learning to find a balance and moderate my obsessive compulsiveness is always a challenge. But now mixing shorter runs with going to the gym and getting on the treadmill and elliptical, my body is more balanced and I'm very proud of myself. Plus I'm working new muscles and getting back to weight lifting to get the toned, tight figure we all strive for.
Anyway. I still chew/spit daily and am working now, in my renewed vengence, to go at least one day a week of eating little calories and not binging with the chew/spit. If I c/s, it helps to calm my cravings. I don't want to stop doing it entirely for that reason. But I need to limit it because I can get sloppy and it starts showing up as extra weight. I get to obsessive and hook myself on it, thinking about it all day, not eating anything, then c/s-ing for hours at night alone in my apartment. I end up feeling horribly disgusting and going to bed vowing to not do it the next day--to start fresh and eat healthy, very low cal foods, keep my daily intake low and not go nuts. If I can even do that one day a week, that will be a good start and will help take off pounds. Balancing that with runs and the gym for cardio in the mornings and lifting weights, stretching, Pilates in the afternoons is going to whip me back into my Ana self that was so determined and not so sloppy as I've become.
So this is my intro and I'm very, very honored to launch into this blog. It serves as an outlet so someone can hear the experiences and thoughts that I can share with no one else. Many, many thanks to all of you for just listening.
Anorexia and I have had a relationship for 11 years now. I have morphed from anorexia into a horrid habit of chewing & spitting for the past 5 years. As such, my weight has gone up and down as I've gotten sloppy with the chewing/spitting or gone through periods of trying to eat "normally" with regular meals, etc. around other people. I "lost my touch" and now am fiercely determined to redefine the willpower of my anorexic self to get to my GW of 110-112. I am currently 123 (lost 3 pounds in the past week, yay!) and have been on this renewed mission for about 2 1/2 weeks. My HW was 158...NEVER FUCKING EVER AGAIN. This past winter I was up to 135...NEVER FUCKING EVER AGAIN. My LW was 91. I don't want to be that low, I realize I looked hideous. And I was truly miserable, no longer proud to be thinner than everyone else. I was desperate to try to put a couple pounds on again. Well, I did. Now I'm back to getting myself wrangled into gear.
2 1/2 weeks ago I joined the local gym at a nearby resort. I used to run outside and then go to the gym every day for years...then dropped off this past year for a little over a year, only running daily for an hour or hr and 20 mins but half-heartedly. Now I am fabulously thrilled that I'm enjoying mixing it up again, I look forward to it, I love it again! For 11 years I've been a runner, always outdoors. To the point of causing injury from over-doing it over the years several times. Learning to find a balance and moderate my obsessive compulsiveness is always a challenge. But now mixing shorter runs with going to the gym and getting on the treadmill and elliptical, my body is more balanced and I'm very proud of myself. Plus I'm working new muscles and getting back to weight lifting to get the toned, tight figure we all strive for.
Anyway. I still chew/spit daily and am working now, in my renewed vengence, to go at least one day a week of eating little calories and not binging with the chew/spit. If I c/s, it helps to calm my cravings. I don't want to stop doing it entirely for that reason. But I need to limit it because I can get sloppy and it starts showing up as extra weight. I get to obsessive and hook myself on it, thinking about it all day, not eating anything, then c/s-ing for hours at night alone in my apartment. I end up feeling horribly disgusting and going to bed vowing to not do it the next day--to start fresh and eat healthy, very low cal foods, keep my daily intake low and not go nuts. If I can even do that one day a week, that will be a good start and will help take off pounds. Balancing that with runs and the gym for cardio in the mornings and lifting weights, stretching, Pilates in the afternoons is going to whip me back into my Ana self that was so determined and not so sloppy as I've become.
So this is my intro and I'm very, very honored to launch into this blog. It serves as an outlet so someone can hear the experiences and thoughts that I can share with no one else. Many, many thanks to all of you for just listening.
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