Friday, July 17, 2009

Ever one day?

Being single at this stage in my life, living in my own place, I am grateful to be on my own and to have the solitude so I can live with my ED in peace. I often wonder if I will ever get married or have a serious relationship...I have in the past but always work fiercely to conceal my disorder and in the past couple years have ended several relationships because I didn't want them to get too close. Will I ever be able to handle living with another person again? How do you guys do it, the ones I read about who are getting married or are married with a family?

I am flying home to visit my family and stay with my parents in a week. Again I'll go through hoops to conceal my disorder that they think I gave up years ago. Staying up late at night to chew/spit when everyone is in bed after eating nothing all day, then being really sleepy during the day because of it...finally looking forward to coming back home to my own place for solitude again...this cycle has gone on for years. I don't want to give it up enough to break it, obviously. Will I ever? I'll make a decision to stop cold, wake up to a new day and eat "normally", etc...and that will last about 2 days. Then it's back to the comfort zone. Forever?


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