Thursday, July 16, 2009
I am 2 people.
During the day, around others, I'm outgoing, motivated, friendly, upbeat, bouncy. Then I come home alone and I turn into someone else. A slave to addiction, caving to c/s-ing after going all day without but not being able to control it when I'm alone. It's revolting, it's beyond disgusting...and yet I could care less when I'm on the binging warpath, chewing anything I can throw into my mouth then spitting it out...for hours...then feeling grossly ugly at the end but knowing that tomorrow will be the same. How do you break the cycle? I can break it for a day sometimes...but what gets me through is knowing the next day I'll be able to "return to my old habits". Ugh.